The New "Traditional Family"

Have you heard about the new American traditional family that includes 1 girlfriend, 1 boyfriend, and maybe a child or two? Yes! This is the latest thing! Why get married and pledge your love and devotion to one man or one woman in a matrimonial ceremony, when your biggest life decision could be living in an apartment with your girl/boyfriend!!! Don't be the last to catch on to this trend; even though the expectancy may be short...It's worth following the trend and doing what you wanna do!!


As satirical as this opening paragraph is, it is sadly true. I am so sick and tired of people leading selfish lives and bringing children into their mess! The reason I can speak on this topic so well, is not because I currently live with my boyfriend, but because I could have. The decisions that we make in life could alter our futures, the ones we love and maybe those we don't even know. I am a young woman who has been in love just like any other person. I have made foolish decisions, yet chose not to repeat them. My ultimate reasons for listening to my elders, spiritual leaders and parents have given me great ambition.

Perhaps the biggest thing that repulses me is when those who choose to "live together" justify their decisions by countering those who are married. I hear things like, "It's just like we're married, Marriage changes everything, and we are both grown". Are you kidding me? Just because you are making the decision to live with someone does not give you the right to deem those who are married as foolish or “old-fashioned”. I don't care what people say, living with someone is a very irresponsible choice.

I am prepared for the arguments:

[Argument #1] We are trying it out now because when we get married it will be harder to get out [Argument #2] This is a new day and age and more people are living together than getting married anyway [Argument #3] My mom and dad never got married and they are still together [Argument #4] We are adults and what we choose to do is our business [Argument #5] We are saving our money by living together since we are with each other every single day

REBUTTLES: Argument #1= I’ve heard of trying out ice cream, test driving cars and even trying on clothes, but not marriage. You either obey what God has set forth or remain in a romantic relationship in separate residences. Do you get a chance to try out you parents and give them back when you are a teenager? Do you get to try your children out? Well, marriage is weighed just as important.

Argument #2= This is a new day and age, but the fact still remains that people are still getting married. So what if everybody else is doing it? Are you a leader or a follower?

Argument#3= my mom & dad have been married for 30 years now and they NEVER lived together before getting married. If you have parents who are living together and have never been married, they are passing this morality to you and it’s sad that you think that it is right.

Argument #4= Well, what you choose to do has nothing to do with you being an adult. In fact, adults make up largely the entire population, and the population makes some of the most terrible decisions. Also, when you bring children into the relationship, it becomes their business too.

Argument #5= There are countless ways to save money as a couple without choosing to be roommates. Couples have created interesting ways of saving money like a joint savings account, cooked instead of eating out, formed side jobs like owning a sno-cone stand or sold brownies. Living together is not the single answer to saving money as a couple.

So go ahead and take your best shot! I believe that I have covered the major issues why couples justify living together, but I am sure there are a thousand more pitiful excuses!!

What are your opinions about Sarah Kruzan?

This story is one of the reasons, somedays, I can never truly say I am proud to be an American...especially one who is about to enter into the United States legal system. I came across this story on another blog site and wanted to bring more awareness to this story. Sara Kruzan was a troubled girl from Riverside, California who was rasied by a single abusive mother and sadly, G.G. a 31 year old pimp. Kruzan talks about the days when she was an honor roll student and an over-achiever in school. She even won a local Young Author's award on a book she wrote about the effects of drugs. However, she also mentions that when her mother was not around, G.G. was there to take care of her and her friends. He bought them lavish gifts and provided transportation to "elementary/middle" school events like roller skating and dances. Kruzan tearfully recalls that even though she now knows that he was grooming her for  a life of prostitution; he was the only one that was there for her. When she turned 13, G.G. took her virginity and told her that she now worked for him. He filled her head with stories like "you are too pretty to give it up for free", "all men want is sex" and "men will hurt you, I'm here to take care of you". Kruzan said that G.G. had her and the other girls working long hours (anywhere from 6:00pm until 5:30am). She endured abuse from him and continued to live in poverty, while he became more profitable. When she turned 16, she devised a plan to kill G.G. because she saw no other way to flee from this lifestyle. The State of California not only tried Kruzan as an adult, but sentenced her to life in prison without parole (plus four years). Today Kruzan is 29 and still behind bars. I emphathize with Sarah Kruzan, not because I lived her life; but because I understand that sometimes to save millions, one life must be shed. Yes,some voluntarily give their lives for others, but others do not. Kruzan deserves a second chance and for those who disagree; throw the first stone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR7mno6p9iQ

Why are so many Beautiful, Educated women un-married...(and the dumb ones are)

I know you have already gathered your opinions about this blog based on the title, but take a deep breath and continue to read along. I know that this is a re-visited topic, but there are always new comments and opinions to explore. Since I have reached my mid-twenties, I have noticed that many of my female friends are still single. Now, my single is simply un-married. The laws could care less whether you have been in a commited relationship for 5 years or not (even "common-law" is often tossed out of the window), if you are not legally married you are single. The 2008 hit song, "Single Ladies", by Beyonce discusses the fact that many men just let women go when they have an undoubted knowledge that marriage is in fact important to their mates. What I don't understand is the trite excuses men use when faced with the idea of actually marrying the woman they claim to love. Year after year, beautiful, funny, spiritual, educated and successful women turn 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 without enjoying the comfort of being married. Now ladies, if marriage is not "your thing" and you enjoy being a 40 year old girlfriend, then have fun, girl! I am speaking to the ladies who would really desire entering into a marriage with the man they love one day. Back to those trite excuses, among the pathetic many I have heard from actual male friends: 1) I'm too young (he is 35),    2) I'm waiting on my rap deal to break through 3) I'm getting myself together 3) I have to date just a couple of more females 4) It's like we are married anyway 5) Marriage changes yall females 6) I don't know what I want right now 7) She got everything I could ever offer her 8) I'm not ready to be tied down yet 9) I'm just having fun with her or 10) I can't see myself getting married until I'm 40. Ladies, what is your response to some of these answers? On the contrary, I am finding that the more submissive, non-chalant and down right stupid you are, you may be the person to get the ring!! This comment is not directed to ALL women because there are some women completely deserving of their happiness. My confusion is towards people like "Khole Kardashian". So what if this is a PR arranged wedding, too many everyday women and girls, believe that her prince charming has found her. This is the same Khole Kardashian who cusses in almost every episode, treats her sisters and mom horrible and kisses Terrance J right before she annouces her wedding? How tacky? I have another friend who has been cheated on about 8 times with her boyfriend, now happily engaged. Things that make you go hmmm. So here are a few suggestions I have for the single simply amazing women who want to get married: 1) Consider dating outside of your race 2) Give men your requirement for marriage at the beginning of the relationship 3) Don't live with the man you desire to marry, don't play house until you are his wife 4) Help him with the things he wants in his life; serve as his support mate 5) Let him chase you, the one who will not let you go, will NEVER leave you alone. Have fun!

Are you the VICTIM of Name Discrimination?

As I begin my journey into my legal career of choice, each day I become cognizant of new reasons to speak out on issues we still face in these United States of America. More recently, I am bringing more attention the ridiculous discrimination due to 1) the pronunciation 2) spelling and 3) previous history of a person’s first or last name. If you are not familiar with what I am talking about consider these examples; a) Last year, during the 2008 Presidential elections, a certain popular member from the GOP commented on Barack Obama’s middle name, joking as to why would America elect a man with the name BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, or b) The National Bureau of Economic Research showed in 2006, that regardless of education & experience, job applicants with predominately “white sounding names” had a 50% chance of getting called back over those with predominately “Black sounding names.” Another example would be a person’s preference of a young lady with the spelling of “ALLISON” instead of “ALLYSONE” or if a person was hired because they had a more traditional name “JOHN SMITH” over “JHONTAY SAULSBERRY”. The politically correct label for this kind of discrimination is “Name Bias”, and as subtle as it may seem, it goes on everyday. Sometimes the victims of name bias are rarely aware that they have been discriminated against. These victims carry on through life and many times don’t even have to show up or say a word to endure discrimination. Name discrimination may not be solved with some big Supreme Court Case decision, but the awareness of this discrimination may be the answer to end this form of prejudice. The next thing I want to ask is are you guilty of name discrimination? Do you take the time to learn the names of your Asian friends and co-workers? Have you deemed a child/parent ignorant because of the name of the child? It may be impossible on this earth to obliterate all forms of discrimination. Because we are so different, we fear what we don’t understand. I remember a friend I had in New York whose first name was “CHUNYENDU OPUTA”. What I liked about her is that she never got offended or gave a shortened suggestion for her name for people to remember. I would even get upset when they asked her name over and over. However, my friend kept saying, very slowly and proper “chun-YEN-du” until the person could remember and pronounce her name. Part of the problem lies in the arrogant American attitude. Americans don’t care to learn foreign sounding or spelling names. Many Hispanic immigrants are familiar with the transitions from; (Maria-Mary, Jorge-George, Catalina-Catherine, Miguel-Michael). You may disagree, but I believe that Hispanic and Muslim Americans face the harshest name discrimination in America. On one blog I read that a man name Jorge Lopez won’t even put his birth name down because many employers assume that he is un-educated, can’t speak English and will not understand the traditional American customs and behavior. So after reading my little tirade, I hope that you will think about the next time you are the victim or assailant of name discrimination. What’s in a name anyway…a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

What color is Physical Beauty?

I am getting very sick and tired of people in the media, fashion world and everyday people trying to answer this question with a definite prototype. I remember when I first recognized physical beauty, I saw an old picture of Marilyn Monroe at my grandmother's house and simply said at five years old, "She's pretty". To my surprise I received a remark from a family member who said, "She's white, go look at the Ebony Magazine". Sadly, at five I realized that physical beauty was segregated into race. On the contrary, when I began to model at the age of 13, I noticed that the ethnic girls with the most European features, were selected to do more jobs than the girls who looked "too black". "too Asian" or "too Hispanic". What color is physical beauty? Almost every ethnic group has it's almost sorority like criteria of what physical beauty is. What is your idea of physical beauty? Because my idea of physical beauty can range from a freckled-face, red-head Irish girl to an Ebony colored 5'2'' young man with green eyes. I capture physical beauty at different ages, regional locations and ethnic backgrounds. Even if my own physical traits do not emulate what I may consider beautiful, I can still admit "They are striking". As a woman of color, I do not declare all black girls physically beautiful? I recognize that there is no color to physical beauty. This does not make me self-hate or wear the label of inter-racism. I accept the physical beauty of the entire human race.